Tiny Vessels
by sparklylulz
Summary: Or: two times Erik says it and the one time he doesn't need to. -Set in X-Men: First Class.


**a/n: **Argh, I've seriously been meaning to start this for AGES. However, I finally started it. I LOVED X-Men: First Class, and in my opinion, it's the best of the X-Men series. Of course the movie would have totally sucked without the fantastic chemistry from Professor X and Magneto. So this happened... whatever it is. Enjoy!

–

_**'tiny vessels' **_

or:

_two times erik says it and the one time he doesn't need to_

–

**one. _ and every bite i gave you left a mark_**

Erik Lensherr is a quiet child for the most part. He listens to his mother and his father, he goes to school and completes all his homework. Perhaps, he is too quiet, maybe that should be the first sign something is wrong. So when the men with blond hair come to his peaceful hometown, he doesn't fight it. He remains quiet.

He notices things, though, in being quiet he has become observant. He is always aware of his surroundings, noting exits and windows, something that will prove to save his life in the future. He doesn't know that now though, so he simply listens as the soldiers force the star of David into his clothes like a brand on livestock. He pretends not to notice when his friends start to disappear, he thinks that maybe things will get better. His mother tells him in hushed whispers at night so no one hears her pray that things will get better and Erik always listens to his mother.

Sometimes, in the future, he wishes he hadn't been quiet, but then again, being quiet was what ended up being his saving grace.

The first time Erik yells is when he realizes that his mother is no longer beside him and she is being forced behind the hideous barbwire gates that have become a common sight around many parts of his home country. His voice feels strange to him like it belongs to someone else and he is simply borrowing it. The pain rushing through his body feels like he needs to explode, the sheer adrenaline has sent his mind into overdrive and later the only word he can use to describe it is _powerful_.

When the metal bends he thinks he's gone mad, but the grief in his heart clouds his judgement and he doesn't really notice that it's because of him the gate is broken and the German men are baffled. The last real emotion Erik feels is pain; for the next two decades all he feels is a dulled anger that reminds him of a buzzing bee.

Herr Doctor is evil, Erik can feel it radiating from him, poisoning everything he came into contact with. Even as his mother's lifeless body lays on the floor, blood pooling around her face, Erik doesn't feel anything more than power. He thinks that in a lot of ways, he saved his mother a lot of pain, so he lets the power consume him in comforting waves.

After one productive '_training session'_ with the Herr Doctor, he leans over and hands Erik a chocolate bar. "You know, Erik, I love you like my own son." It's a quiet statement, but there is an underlying threat to his words. Erik knows that he has to say it back and Schmidt scares him, more than anything else could.

"I love you too, Herr Doctor." He says and he can taste the bile rise in his throat.

–

**two._ a__nd no one's going to tear me down_**

Raven is mystifying in a lot of ways, the first time he really feels anything again it's when he sees her talking to the idiotic scientist. He's seen too much be sacrificed for aesthetic beauty and he knows that she's much more than her facade. He also knows that Xavier has made her full of self loathing, whether he knows it or not. So in a weird, perverse subconscious decision he realizes he's going to do whatever it takes to help her remember her true face.

He feels out of his skin most of the time, like he's pretending to be someone he isn't. He has known since he agreed to help Charles in his foolish attempt to avert the third world war that he wasn't going to be the good guy. He hasn't been the good guy since he was that quiet child that watched as his mother was shot in front of him because he couldn't pull a goddamn coin towards him. He is a man full of pain, and anger, and vengeance. He likes it this way, it makes being the bad guy that much easier.

So when he sees Raven's milky white skin glint with sweat as she raises the weights over her head, his temper flares. He thinks the best way to make her finally understand is to frighten her; in his experience, fear is the greatest motivator of them all. He relishes the sight of fear that causes her natural face to morph in front of him. He thinks he's finally struck a nerve.

He's never had a lot of time in his life for women. Sure, he has spent nights in dingy bars trying to forget, trying to feel, but it always ends up the same: twisted metal bed frames and an empty bed. He adapts to this, it becomes the norm; Erik has been alone for too long to notice when people try to seek a deeper connection with him.

So when Mystique turns up in his bed, her blond hair curled perfectly and her eyes bright, he feels sick. He is not attracted to that side of her, he thinks he may be mildly attracted to her real personality, though, so when she changes into her blue skin and burnt orange hair he smiles a little and tells her that she's beautiful- because she is. He has suspicions about what this will do for her self confidence.

When she shows up to the airbase, blue and proud he smiles a little to himself, trying not to look at Charles.

It's not that he doesn't like Charles; sometimes he likes Charles more than he thinks is healthy. He knows by now not to get attached to anyone. People can leave in an instant, and in his case this has happened one too many times. However, Raven has offered to be a loyal companion to him, he knows that she is sucked in by his mysterious demeanor and his power, he doesn't bother telling her that he's just as messed up as the rest of them on the inside.

The night after they walk away from Charles laying on the beach, she comes into his room, her eyes lit up and her face set. She reaches over to him, her hands leave a fiery sensation on his cool skin. He kind of hates himself in that moment because as soon as the words leave her mouth he says it back, mostly in hopes to forget, just like all those years before.

"_I love you too._"

–

**three. _then i'll follow you into the dark_**

Charles Xavier is a lot of things, many of which Erik can never hope to be. Charles is kind and he wants to _help _people, not hurt them. Charles has this irritating confidence in everyone he meets and it drives Erik crazy. Mainly because while Erik has known for as long as he can remember he's been the bad guy and Charles is inexplicably and certainly the good guy. They shouldn't work at all, but Charles is the first person he's ever had genuine chemistry with.

His observant tendencies come into play once again when he begins to work with the enigmatic mutation genius. He notices that Charles only likes his tea with two lumps of sugar and a squeeze of lemon. He starts to see a side of Charles not often obvious; Charles' eyes sparkle when he plays chess; his favorite socks have a hole in the sole; his favorite author is Lewis Caroll because he embraces madness, instead of treating it.

Erik appreciates Charles for pushing him to walk the thin line between rage and serenity. A line that is hard to remember in the future when anger fuels him, and bitterness consumes him. He feels like he probably owes Charles much more than he can ever give him, but he also feels that Charles probably knows that.

He hates emotions for the most part, he feels they are foolish, meaningless, and a general waste of his energy. He sometimes finds himself wishing back to the days when he could feel nothing at all, especially when he sees Moria lean into Charles' shoulder one night and his heart makes a faint stirring that he doesn't find pleasant or welcome.

He walks into Charles' private den one night, to see him reading another lengthy book that sounds as boring as it looks. He doesn't know what to do with himself, so he simply sits in the chair he frequents during their chess matches. He would like to say Charles cheats to win, but he knows Charles is too good for that, so he has to accept that someone can finally beat him at chess.

Charles looks up from the novel and smiles that soft smile that does odd things to Erik's pulse. He moves to the chair across from his friend, his blue eyes shining in the fire light currently illuminating the room and blanketing them both with warmth.

"Your feat with the satellite this morning was impressive, my friend." He said, a genuine tone of pride laced with the words. "Your powers are stronger than even I can fathom."

His hand lay over Erik's palm, it felt like a comfortable warmth, not like the fiery touches Raven would leave on him. Everything about Charles tended to be comforting, but as his fingers brushed ever so lightly against Erik's own, he felt like that small, quiet boy that believed his mother when she told him _everything would be all right_.

"I often feel that the point between rage and serenity is love." Charles' voice is low, sounding almost nervous as he breathes his theory aloud. His fingers haven't left his fellow mutant's, they have simply curled under. Erik closes his eyes, peace washing over him, willing Charles to understand.

He's not the good guy, but the small good piece in him looks to the only true friend he's ever had.

"Charles- I-" But Xavier holds a hand up to the man next to him. His eyes full of compassion and warmth and comfort and all Erik can think is '_home._'

"I know, Erik. I know." He says in that reassuring tone, his fingers leaving Erik's hand only to move a loose strand of dark hair back into place. It causes chills to erupt on Erik's spine.

Erik walks away from the only person he's ever truly fallen in love with, legs motionless, on a beach near Cuba, his heart breaking with every step, repeating "_not the good guy_" over and over.

He wishes he could change it when he thinks of Charles' light touch and eyes that had once glinted "**I love you too**" in the firelight.


End file.
